First and foremost, Nick, you're a fag. 

Second, the playoff picture can be summed up a lot easier than what Nick just said:  Lance is out, the only way Zeke does NOT make the playoffs is Lance loses AND Keith's team beats us by 29 OR MORE b/c we beat them by 28, not 20. 

So basically, team Dubba will also be out of the playoffs and then Jeter, aka Kassogh (Cos-ough), aka Jinx, aka The Curse, aka Inappopriate Nickname, aka Big Softy, aka Softy International, aka Charmin, and finally aka the man who said ray has man tits, and his team will bow out to us in the playoffs b/c Ray is no longer fat (at least he is not AS FAT as he was), Zeke no longer has a basketball IQ of 3, Abuna Mike stopped eating ice cream and started eating wheaties, and Marvin got comfortable enough to talk to us.  Oh yeah, and I stopped thinking turnovers were a good thing and got that  **** going again. 

After that, we will win the finals against either of the other two teams competing in the playoffs for the following reasons....

Nick's team:  Because Derek P will play like a pussy after Zeke punked him out and was about hit him with a 38 year old right hook, Tony Attisha will get 7 points on his driving record if they beat us (your court dates are scheduled after our games Tony), Fadi Eliya's IQ is now officially the lowest in CAL since Zeke's got higher, Johnny- actually, I like Johnny a lot so I won't talk about him, and Nick will lose his composure when he comes to find out that I am the only point guard in the world who could convince Ray and Zeke to play good and smart basketball while they are on the same team.  Samer, I didnt forget about you, but you are not even worth mentioning, you are garbage, your game is garbage, and your '89 Trans Am that you treat like a Rolls Royce makes you look like a big enough ufty without my help. 

Kalvin's Team:  Justin has not yet learned that 2 foot layups are better than step back fade away 3's even though the latter looks cooler, Dylon will hopefully have diahrea or eat something too heavy as part of his 29000-calorie daily intake diet that will prevent him from playing in the game, Dave Dally will convince himself the night before the game that he is a go-to player and at some point, or multiple points, force awful shots and/or turnovers, Kalvin will continue to molest people and break their arms on 3-point attempts and believe it is good defense despite the ref and every body else in the gym's opinion, Cenan is hurt, and Bryan McKay, well, he tries hard and I can respect that. 

Since I am on a roll and I dont want to discriminate or make the non-qualifying teams feel neglected:

Kieths Team aka the Heavyweights:  So I don't have to say it 5 different times, in advance you are all fat.  Kieth, you would think by now that you learned you dont get extra points the further behind the 3 point line you are, Jarbou congratulations on your accomplishment of becoming the latest member of the "Joey K blocked the **** outta me" club, please see ray and Kieth on how to cope with the emotional trauma you have suffered as a result, Dani "I know I'm a scrub" Kejbou, guess what- so do we!!!! so it is unnecessary for you to keep saying it to start your speeches, Fadi "Fedwah" Gulli, the good news is Dylan makes you the second fattest person in the league, the bad news is Dylan also makes you his b!tch, Ernest, habibi, f*ck what they say- you got the right idea- as long as you score 20+ the W does not matter, and Randy does not deserve a comment. 

Lance's team:  With all due respect to Lance, you drafted your CAL team worse than I drafted my CFL team.  This just in (and this is not a insult to nate but more a compliment to SHango): NATE IS NOT SHANGO....You cannot put 5 non scorers around him and expect to win as if he was Shango.  Lance, seriously, see if the Ray Allen video I watched can help you like it has me, Nathan please see the Jarbou commentary above, either your losing your hops or I am getting mine back (probably the former more than the latter), Nawar another guy I like so I got nothing bad to say about you but you do look so unorthodox when you dribble (does that count as bad?), Mike you ripped my butthole on that cross over so I aint gonna talk bad about you, Chris Sesi you're the Zeke of the guards in our league (you have never committed a foul in your life), and Ziad, well, you're just big. 

In closing, let me just briefly restate some of the major points made above, Nick is a pu**y, Kieth's team should consider a SubWay diet, Zeke has gotten smarter, Abuna Mike's "favorite player, like of all time" is Joe Dumars, Shango is good, Ray is going to Pee on Tony (literally), Tony = Will Ferrell in Old School, Ernest = Katt WIlliams, and finally...." you can have whatever you liiiikkeee"

Oh yeah, and how can I forget, Nolan GROW THE F*CK UP!!!! 

wow, I actually chuckled at a few things Joey said

Thanks for the props Nick... I'm still waiting for the day when I too can be proud of you HAHAHA....

And how soon you forget a ceratin last second championship winning half court shot. Feel free to dedicate your trophy on the mantle to me!

You also forgot the odds of Zeke's team winning it all. 2:1 Yea I said it!