Here they are you lil hoes, I know you all been waiting for my annual pre season odds: Remember, these predictions are based on paper appearance and how I believe teams will gel. If you are a sensitive lil girl, please dont read this b/c chances are you will be insulted at some point in the post.
Pre season Favorite: The caveman led Mengeshnaya's. Maybe Ray is not at dumb/stubborn as we all thought, and he learned from his past mistakes. He obviously learned last season that he should treat his first round pick a little more preciously than he did last season, where he drafted possibly the biggest single season bust in league history, Nick, with the #1 overall pick. However, before I get too ahead of myself, he could either look like a genious or an idiot for instead wasting his first pick on a washed up, pre-mid age crisis, trying to lose weight juicin center who is 7 seasons past his prime. He followed up that reasonable but potentially big gamble pick with a one move, no lefty, never learned what defense was, sharpshooter named Nouri. Problem is, as the teams primary shooter/scorer, he has never shown up in a big game. After last seasons nice management of Aboona Mike's team, we all thought Tony J's stock might rise, but what we failed to realize is that the fact remains that nobody likes him, so he remained the usual third rounder he is. Trevor will provide his usual hustle, earn his hack of the league title with pride, and contribute within his role. Allen A. was in my opinoin the value pick of the draft and could be the difference maker on this team as I believe he is better than all of the other 5th rounders taken, especially Dani. This could be absolutely great, or they could be terribly over rated, I think they should be more the former than the latter.
Real Contenders:
Mike's Team: Well, for all of you who said "HE TOOK WHO #1 OVERALL?!!!" I have one thing to say: I said the same thing. On the other hand, after pondering the thought of potentially being a Nick, my bad, I mean bust, I realized it cant happen b/c I got drafted by the only captain that cant go wrong, Jr. Jesus. Dont be surprised when I start hitting free throws at an 85% clip hoes. Mike took his strong religious beliefs and decided to make another miracle could be possible this season: Jeter winning a title. Despite the "Charmin wipes ass" chants at the draft, Mike still rolled the dice. I like his third round pick a lot, as Temeem will make a bid for comeback player of the year this season and I believe should flourish with a running team spear headed by myself and Jeter. Mike will be my horse this season, as my 20 added lbs that he must not have been aware of when he drafted me will prevent me from being a defensive specialist this season. I asked Nick what he thinks I should do, and his response was to try to trade for Zane. Dave for MVP. Finally, as you all may have guessed by now, I have no idea why Mike drafted Dani.
Elton's Team: What Elton's team needs more than anything is to play my team as many times as possible, b/c apparently Nate's juices really get flowing against me, he hasnt missed a shot in six seasons against me and finally broke his losing streak to my teams in two sports, both in the playoffs. Nate will continue to get his, averaging 20 points on 39 shots (that has been calculated). Fadi Eliah has proven to be a real difference maker and versatile player, contributing a little bit of everything to three straight championship teams, unfortunately for him, he may come into this season a bit down on his self esteem and confidence since his hospital has still not given him any duties beyond checking 94 year old mens testicles, but he continues to claim he will be a surgeon to all of us. I am surprised Jalal is on Elton's team, thats wierd, finally you guys get to play together. Jimmy, well, you get a few rebounds a game. And finally Thomas, why do you play? This team overall should be pretty athletic in the backcourt with the Canadian Dollar and Teen Wolf. However, they offer very little as far as an offensive post presence. If the shooters are on, could be tough matchup, otherwise, defense will be what they rely on.
There is hope, just not a lot of it teams:
Nick's team: Well, there is one thing that is clear about this roster and Nick's decision making at the draft, he wants to average 30 points a game this season. That is about the only way his team will score anywhere near enough points to win. While Zeke has trimmed down and is in the best playing shape in years, he still has no clue how to fundamentally play the game. While senan is as solid as they get, he realistically is not a second scoring option, he is a game manager, and knowing nick, he wont give up the ball enough for Cenan to manage the game. Clearly, we can expect Jennifer to show up at games b/c her brother, after waiting 7 seasons (pure sarcasm), finally got into the league and Nick will be doing his best to pad his personal statts this season. If nothing else, this team should provide us with some more memorable marselino moments.
Yono's Team: Apparently Yono didnt get the memo...Tony A has not done on significant thing in any sport/league in over 3 years. Kieth has not carried a team to a title since Dani was a first round pick in this league. I respect Jeff and Ziad so I wont talk about them.... and clint, well clint calls himself showboat, need I say more? Beyond the Kieth has been practicing his shot from Pluto comments, and the "will he get an assist this season" questions, there really isnt much to be said about this team that has any entertainment value. And I am not into talking about your c(*k yono like the rest of the fags in this league.
How drunk was the team captain at the draft team: Samer's Team: Well, I guess all that is left to complete this team is acquiring a QB and some receivers, b/c you got the offensive and defensive lines covered. Samer, I am going to give you a one word hint as to what you should game plan around: ZONE. Outside of JB, there is not one single person on this roster that deserves any respect on offense. Lance and DP are nice hardnosed players, but unfortunately hard nosed gets you fouls, not W's. One thing that has gone unnoticed over the seasons is just how big of a baby cry Derek P is, please pay attention this season when he loses his mind w/o a point guard running the show and the frustration building up. Maybe Samer wasnt so stupid all these years after all for drafting Kieth. One bright thing that could come out of this season for this team is that the rest of the league will get a good evaluation of Joe Q when he gets all the garbage minutes in blowouts.
