OK OK, I'VE BEEN QUIET FOR A WHILE, BUT BECAUSE OF POPULAR DEMAND, I'M BACK.  I SHUT MY MOUTH THROUGHOUT THE PLAYOFFS AND THE WHOLE OFF-SEASON BECAUSE, WELL BECAUSE MY TEAM SUCKED.  WE DID NOT LIVE UP TO OUR POTENTIAL, AND I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND TALK TRASH AFTER HAVING THE WORST RECORD.  THAT'S LIKE JOEY K TALKING SMACK TO RON JEREMY ABOUT ALL THE WOMEN HE'S BEEN WITH.  IT JUST DOESN'T WORK.  ANYWAY, I'M BACK, AND I GOTTA SAY THAT I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU LADIES RANT AND RAVE ABOUT HOW YOU'RE THE FAVORITES AND HOW YOU'RE GONNA DOMINATE, ESPECIALLY SPECIAL K, I MEAN JOEY K.  I SAID SPECIAL BY MISTAKE BECAUSE WHEN I WATCH YOU PLAY, IT REMINDS ME OF THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS, BUT I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT YOU'RE ALLOWED TO PLAY WITH THE REST OF US.  THAT JUST SHOWS WHAT CAL IS ALL ABOUT.  HELPING RETARDS LIKE YOU FIT IN.  BY THE WAY, ME AND TAMEEM ARE BOYS, AND IF YOU NOTICED, TOWARDS THE END OF THE SEASON, WE STARTING PLAYING GREAT TOGETHER.  ADD KEITH AND CLINT'S SHOOTING, JALAL AND STEVE'S ALL AROUND PLAY, AND YOU WILL TRULY SEE WHO THE FAVORITES ARE THIS SEASON.  BY THE WAY, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU RECEIVED THE MEMO, JOE, BUT ELTON'S NOT COACHING THIS SEASON, HE'S PLAYING.  SO DON'T EXPECT THE BALL BACK WHEN YOU PASS IT IN TO HIM AND HE GETS DOUBLE TEAMED AND SHOOTS IT OFF THE SIDE OF THE BACKBOARD.  I'LL SURE FADI WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO CLEAR THAT SIDE OF THE POST OUT FOR ELTON.  TALK ABOUT TEAM CONTROVERSY. 

AT THIS TIME, I'D LIKE TO HAND OUT A FEW AWARDS FOR LAST SEASON:

BEST FIELD GOAL PERCENTAGE:  NOLAN

BEST FREE THROW PERCENTAGE IN THE LAST 2 MINUTES OF A GAME: SPECIAL K

BEST IMPRESSION OF A STEALTH FIGHTER JET: PAT JOJA

BEST REFEREE:  JOHN BABI

BEST FOUL IN THE LAST 10 SECONDS OF A CHAMPIONSHIP GAME: DR. GAY BOY KEJBOU

BEST AT SOUNDING LIKE A DYING HORSE ON THE SIDELINES: COACH ELTON

TOUGHEST PLAYER DOWN LOW:  DEREK D

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR:  NOURI (TAKE OFF AS SOON AS THE SHOT GOES UP) OROW

BEST AT SOUNDING LIKE A GIRL GETTING RAPED AFTER GETTING FOULED: NICK A

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, BEST IMPRESSION OF DARKO:  JOEY Q

THAT'S IT FOR NOW, I'LL SEE YOU GIRLS ON WEDNESDAY, AND I'LL BE ARMED WITH GATORADE