Hi everyone. I would like to thank the committee for not allowing another La Familia reunion. For the first time in many seasons, I am actually excited about CAL. No offense to my La Familia amigos (Zeke, that means friends), but my blood pressure couldn't take it anymore. So we have a new season among us and some new faces. I would like to congratulate Jeter's team on a fair played game last week and a good win. It seemed like we had it won, but we couldn't hold on. We'll get you bitches back. Anyways, let's not talk about the past. Let's move on to the future. Tomorrow's game features some of CAL's finest retards. Dani K and Tony J. Kalvin, I'm sorry you listened to Keith and drafted these two lowlife, cancerous, immature, uncoordinated, unmotivated, overrated, sorry excuses for basketball players, and human beings for that matter. Here's what will happen. Dani will say "I got Ray, let me guard Ray, he ain't ****, I'll shut his ass down." which he'll do a pretty good job of. I might score 6 to 8 points or so and he'll think that he shut me down because he'll use about 110 percent of his energy on defending me, because his offense requires no energy due to his lack of ability to play any offense. Newsflash to Dani, I am not an offensive juggernaut, shutting me down is NOT an accomplishment. Most nights I can shut myself down. Try guarding Zeke, and let him **** on you, so I don't have to deal with your fouls that you never committ and your illegal picks. After we get up about 10 points on you guys, Tony will bet pouting about all the threes that Keith is jacking up and that will be the end of it for him. All in all, good luck to you special olympians and I hope to see you in the paint Dani and Tony, what am I saying, nevermind. See you at halfcourt. UFTEEEEES. Oh and Dani, can you not rub up against Fadi tomorrow so you don't smell like piss.
After consulting with Zeke, I was informed that I hadn't talked enough **** about Tony. Dear Tony, you're fat, you're slow, (and no you can't outrun anyone in CAL, maybe you can outrun me, but once again, not an accomplishment), you're lazy, you don't play D, even though you're the self-appointed greatest defensive player in CAL history, you eat dick, you always need a haircut, you don't have an XBox yet, you're known in our league as the number one cancer in the league, your claim to fame is being the starting point guard on a high school team that went 0 and 26, and you're fat, again. Oh, and you're also responsible for bringing Randy in the league. LOL. I hate that guy. By the way, can I have Stoudamire, Jefferson, and Chauncey back?
