I'll do you one better.  When I got on the scale, it said, one at a time please.  Atleast come up with creative chit you loser. 

You know what's funny, that's what your mom said when I dropped my pants.  She hadn't seen anything so big before.  So if you see your dad walking around with his head down and in a sobbing mood, it might be bacuse your mom probably cussed him out for making her miss out in life.